Tuesday, September 21, 2010

These Are the Times I'm Glad I'm Not a Parent...

Every year the "toy gurus" publish a long list of must have toys that parents are pretty much supposed to break their necks to purchase at Christmas time. It never ceases to amaze me the utterly creepy toys that are "must haves".
Take for example:

Sing-A-M-Jigs-- "There’s more to these tiny, plush critters than meets the eye. Press their bellies and you’ll reveal a tiny singing mouth, press their hands and you’ll hear a range of singing options. Sing-A-Ma-Jigs can sing tunes, chatter away or even sing in harmony with each other." They seem cute, but something is just "off" about them, and I'm not sure what.

Bigfoot the Monster-- "Okay, this might be a little much to pay for what basically amounts to a plastic toddler, but with the ability to talk, walk, chew, burp and throw a ball, this remote control beast could be an instant hit with your kid." This is $109! Why would anyone pay that much for a toy that is modeled after something people fear? I think not. Plus, he's two days short of a unibrow and someone should really get him some giant plastic tweezers.

Monster High Cleo DeNile and Deuce Gorgon-- "C’mon, what’s not cool about high school monsters with freaky pets? Cleo DeNile is the daughter of the Mummy and Deuce is the son of Medusa. A rat and a snake keep them company at Monster High." Absolutely NOT! No kid of mine would ever be playing with a toy named "Deuce".

Lalaloopsy Doll-- "While they look like regular rag dolls, every Lalaloopsy character comes with its own special history, including the day it was sewn, what it was sewn from (painter’s smock, clown costume, baker’s apron), and how that history has infused the doll with a special personality—artist, goofball, sugar-lover, you get the idea." This one seems cute, but it raises too many questions. For instance, did they wash the clothes they got from said painter, clown, and baker? Can the history really be "infused" into the doll? Is the doll all of a sudden going to come to life and start painting like Jackson Pollack or chopping onions like Rachel Ray? And because you have the chance of getting one with clothes made from a clown that is creepy enough in itself. Clowns are creepy people.

And amazingly parents read these articles and buy these scary toys for their kids and their kids love them! Zhu Zhu pets anyone?! *shudder*

I'm so glad I don't have kids to make me feel obligated to buy these toys. Hopefully my kids will want to play with regular old tonka trucks or baby dolls...


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